Monday 12 March 2012

#dosomethingyummy Getting Together

A few years ago I suffered from depression and during that time I drifted away from a lot of friends and sadly never really found the confidence to approach them again, build bridges and explain why I lost touch and what I had been doing with myself and my life.  That time in my life had a negative affect on my confidence and to this day I find it hard to make friends.  Over the years my confidence in meeting new people and making friends has grown but I still get nervous and tend to distance myself, worrying I won’t be liked.

When I was pregnant I really hoped to make some fellow bump friends.  I went to the NHS antenatal classes hoping to get advice from the classes and meet some new people at the same time.  I was disappointed with the classes, they were very small and apart from small talk I didn’t seem to click with anyone.  During my pregnancy a few other women I knew through other people were also pregnant and when I saw them we always had a little chat about how our pregnancies were but being older women who were on their 2nd, 3rd and 5th pregnancies we didn’t have much in common other than our bumps and they were busy with their families.  As much as I appreciated the advice I got from the experienced mums-to-be I wished I had another first time mum to talk to.

Once Tristan was born I went to a few groups in the hope of finding some new friends who would understand what it was like to be a new mum.  Where I live the choices of groups to go to is very sparse and I struggled to find a group where I felt like I fitted in and where I no longer felt like an outsider.  In some of the groups the other parents had strong friendships having known each other for years already and even though they were lovely to me I felt like I didn’t belong.  Also at time I found that with a few mums it was like a competition to see whose baby was best; which baby sleeps the best, how much do they eat, what milestones have they reached …. and I didn’t feel comfortable with the constant comparisons. I gave up.

Whilst sat breastfeeding my little man on demand and surfing the net for something to keep my mind from complete baby brain meltdown I found a lifeline.  I found fellow mums on forums and facebook that I could relate to.  I had things in common with them, they understood what it was like to be a new mum, and they gave me reassurance and support and much welcomed laughs.  Even though cyber friends may not be quite the same as being in the same room with a group of friends having these friends in cyberspace kept me sane.  I could message them when things were good and bad; they knew what it was like to experience sleep deprivation and teething woes, they understood and their advice and support was vital.

I am yet again tentatively going into the big wide world of baby and toddler groups and meeting other mums.  I am enjoying these groups now, developing friendships and restoring confidence whilst having support and reassurance from other mums.  It feels good to be spreading my wings and giving Tristan sociable time around other little ones, watching him interact with his little friends.

Friendships come in many forums and for me the friendships I formed in cyberspace reminded me I wasn’t alone and helped keep me sane and strong; the advice, support and much needed cyber hugs was very important for me during the first few months of being a new mum unsure if I was doing a good job at being a parent and doing the best for my new baby.  I feel reassured that even now my cyber mummy friends are at the end of a computer if I ever need them and I am there for them too.  The new friends I have met are great too and getting together with them is a much welcomed breather.  I find it refreshes my mind and gives me some down time to have a chat with fellow parents getting some much needed adult conversation and have a good old laugh.

This post is for week 3 of the I Am Typecast weekly prompts for #dosomethingyummy (I am a tad slow getting this done, week 4 has already been and gone and Yummy Mummy Week has already started with it being from the 10th to the 18th of March!).  It has been written to help promote CLIC Sargent and Yummy Mummy Week using the weekly prompts from Nickie at I Am Typecast.  This week’s prompts are based around the theme of “Getting Together” and I have chosen to write a Yummy Post – “Tell us why getting together with other parents is important to you”

It would be great if you could show your support for this fantastic charity and the #dosomethingyummy campaign.  You can help by joining Yummy Mummy Week's facebook page, use the #dosomethingyummy hashtag on twitter and add a twibbon to your twitter avatar and facebook profile picture.  Get involved and raise awareness for this amazing charity.

1 comment:

  1. Some of my best friendships have stemmed from cyber-life.  I think you build up MORE of a relationship and more trust with them because you feel safe behind your screen sometimes.

    Thanks for posting this for #dosomethingyummy :-)