Time off

I've never really been religious when it comes to blogging and social media. I've always had the attitude of its my blog and I will write when and if I want to.

Recently I have been more quite than usual. It was never a conscious decision to have a set amount of time off apart from a few days over Christmas but those few days have turned into a few weeks and I have felt better for it.

With a few birthdays of loved ones in December, Christmas and my anniversary with my beloved I wanted to take time off from blog work to enjoy time with loved ones and cherish the moments without having pressure of blog work floating in my thoughts when trying to make the most of the time.

First term university blues.

A few years ago – more than I would like to admit even to myself as then the reality of my aging would really hit me – I went to University and soon dropped out.

During my A-levels the time came to consider my future. In all honesty I did not have a clue what I wanted to do. Having made a success of my education so far, getting good grades and enjoying doing so I naturally leaned towards carrying on my education by going to university. As I wasn’t sure what ‘career’ I wanted to follow I really struggled on deciding what course to choose.

Whilst I loved art and seemed to have a natural flare for it I let myself be drawn away from choosing an art course as I sadly had a number of people subtly suggest that it would not lead to a proper job. Even though my mum encouraged my art I ignored her support and felt pressured by teacher’s and career advisors to choose a more reliable course (their opinions I might add and definitely not mine now).

Having always loved children I decided that teaching would be ideal for me. With my aspiring career finally chosen I applied for teacher training courses for primary aged children. After viewing, applying to and being offered a place in a number of different universities in Wales I eventually chose a university not far from home.

The first term of university was a mixed bag of feelings for me.

Whilst on the one hand I loved the learning and prospect of becoming a teacher I felt a like a fish out of water and the pressure of being a good student and a future good teacher too much.

The university and course I chose was also the same one that a number of my friends from school chose. As a number of my friends were also on the same course I was fortunate enough to already have friends at university. Whilst it was great to have old friends at university, it was different from our time at school. I found we all soon drifted apart, our group of school friends was no longer a group. My friends were no longer as friendly with each other and found other friends. I found myself still friends with everyone and drifting from group to group but not really firm friends with anyone in particular and not really making new strong friendships. I don’t think it helped that I had chosen to travel to university from home where I had recently set up home with my then boyfriend rather than live on campus as my school friends had chosen to do.

Thoughts unshared.

Whilst having a blog may be a contradiction, I have always been a private sort of person.

I have always struggled to share my true feelings and talk to people about my thoughts, worries and concerns.

I tend to bottle it all up.

From the days of my dark depression I have TRIED to be better at getting things off my chest and not bottle up all my emotions until I break down completely.

This is easier said than done for someone who instinctively paints a smile on her face and keeps her worries to herself.

I have found writing helps.

Since starting this blog I have written many posts on my thoughts and worries.

Most posts written about my inner most thoughts have been thoughts unshared.

But the simple act of putting pen to paper – or fingers to keyboard – and letting out my inner most thoughts and worries has helped keep me sane and keep the darkness at bay.

Writing helps me and even if my thoughts remain unshared forever it is a positive release for me and a step towards being a more open person that no longer keeps her worries and thoughts bottled up or has to paint a fake smile on her face when she is crumbling inside.

This year I hope to focus on the positive and open up more.

Wednesday Words - Strong for too long.

Wednesday Words - Pain.

Pet Therapy - Sunrise Senior Living.

I've mentioned before that we have two dogs, Sassy and Trixie, and how our fluffy friends are part of the family.

Trixie the eldest of our fluffy family is 9 and has been a loving part of my life since she was an adorable little puppy.  When I was suffering from depression a few years ago my mum and sister bought Trixie for me after they read about the benefits of pet therapy.  They hoped that having a pet to care and be responsible for would give me a positive focus and the routine of caring for my new fluffy friend would help keep me busy and active.  They also hoped that having a dog that needed walking would help encourage me to leave the house which I hated doing at the time with the extra physical activity of taking my dog for walks being good for my physical and mental health.

Life is like a roller coaster.

The saying ‘life is like a roller coaster’ has never felt more true than it has of late.

Image sourced from here.

Since the time I suffered from depression years ago I tend to let small blips worry me more than other people would and I struggle to deal with pressure well.  I let stress affect me and get me down, making me see the worst of the situation and let negativity cloud my thoughts.

Even though we have had no amazing ups and exciting news things had been bobbling along nicely with life going well for us.  In an attempt to overcome my worrying ways and put a stop to my negative thinking I have been trying to think positive and not let the down’s of life depress me.

#dosomethingyummy Survival

I am where I am today in my life because I survived depression. 

I have a fiancée who I love dearly because I managed to crawl out from the dark hole I had found myself living in and start to venture out into the World once more.  I am a mum to a beautiful boy because I did not let the fears and sadness that consumed my thoughts take over my life anymore, I decided to live life and take a chance on happiness.